It’s the last word in this question that makes the difference. When someone is suffering from a long-term illness like cancer, “How are you doing?” can seem like a crazy question. How am I doing? Terrible! I have cancer! By contrast, if you ask “How are you doing TODAY?” you give people the opportunity to answer honestly about the ups and downs. “Today” gives them the space to be pessimistic, optimistic, angry, grateful – the full range.
Source: This list of what to say and what not to say when supporting someone through cancer
Have you asked this question? How did it go? Do you have advice for how best to ask it? PLEASE RATE! AND WRITE A REVIEW (in the comment box below)!
I find when people complain, it’s never just a single thing. A constellation, handful, seemingly related or unrelated, or just random off the cuff complaints tend to run in groups. I ask the above question, and follow up with “which is bothering you the most?”. Then they are forced to triage, and then it’s easier to talk things through.