#11 on this really great list points out that courage is not something we need to have at all times. To have a really fantastic life, in fact, we only need to be courageous every now and then for like 20 seconds at a time, max. That’s usually the amount of time it takes to make that uncomfortable phone call, or finish speaking the actual sentence where you ask your boss for a raise, or walk over to that person you’ve been wanting to meet. You don’t have to walk through life as a constantly courageous person. You just have to be able to build up enough courage for that 20 second sprint. So when was the last time you had to build up your courage to do something? Continue reading When was the last time that you had to build up your courage to do something?
Category Archives: …Ask Your Friends
What’s one thing you’ve learned from an animal?
The animal could be your own pet. Or it could be a deer you saw on a hike. It could even be a killer whale from that crazy Blackfish documentary that blindsided Sea World and forced them to start phasing out their orca shows. The biological diversity on our little planet is truly staggering. Humans plus, oh you know, just a couple million other species. So what’s one lesson that you’ve learned from interacting with or observing an animal? Continue reading What’s one thing you’ve learned from an animal?
What’s something you own because you just like the idea of having it (more than you actually use it)?
I grew up in Southern California (310 represent, baby!) and I’ve always loved the beach and the ocean. I learned to surf as a Junior Lifeguard when I was 10 years old. I’m not great, but I do love it. When I moved to North Carolina it meant living as far from the ocean as I’d ever lived. That was really unsettling for me. So when I got to NC, one of the first things that I started looking for on Craigslist was a surfboard. As soon as I found a good deal on a decent board, I snatched it up and IMMEDIATELY felt a sense of relief wash over me. Security blanket effect, for sure. In the five years that I’ve owned it, I’ve surfed it three times total. In fact, I’ve surfed way more often on my old boards at home when visiting my family back in SoCal, haha. But I’m always going to own a surfboard out here in NC, regardless of how little use it sees. I realize that, logically, this makes no sense. But I don’t care. And I have a feeling I’m not alone. But you tell me… Am I? Continue reading What’s something you own because you just like the idea of having it (more than you actually use it)?
Outside of your own place and your own bed, where do you sleep best?
Seriously, is there anything better than a deep, rejuvenating, re-centering night’s sleep? Outside of your own place, where do you go to get that? Some people swear by the sleep they get while camping. I’ve heard of grandparents’ houses being another location that lulls people into deep sleep. One of my best friends has a back bench in his big van that can turn into a full bed. He raves about the sleep in there. Where do you sleep best?
Continue reading Outside of your own place and your own bed, where do you sleep best?
What was the first thing that you saved up your own money to buy?
Kids aren’t exactly known for long-term planning. So it’s always interesting to find out what single thing was so desirable in your young life that it got you to forego candy and arcade games and whatever else so that you could save up some dough. For me, the 1991 release of the Super Nintendo console made me quit my 7-11 beef jerky and gummi bears habit faster than you could say “Hadouken!!” I also sold the original Nintendo console that had been gifted to my sister and me (along with all the original Nintendo games I’d gotten from past birthdays and Christmases). $200 bucks and a few months later and I was on my way to Toys R Us, boyyyy! Continue reading What was the first thing that you saved up your own money to buy?
What is your very earliest memory?
I spent a lot of time this past weekend with the two-year-old son of one of my close friends from church. I saw the little guy on the first day he was born and I’ve seen him several times a month ever since. This is the first time in my adulthood that I’ve watched an infant develop like this. The little dude is just hilarious now. In the past 6 months he’s become so much more verbal and has started to show so much more of his personality (loves throwing frisbees and bouncing balls, is silly and active, but is also cautious with new things…) Anyway, as he cracked up about the frisbee game we were playing yesterday, I wondered… “Is there even a chance of him remembering this?” My earliest memory is from four years old; it’s of my sister and I playing in our apartment complex. I can’t remember a single thing before that. Can you? Continue reading What is your very earliest memory?
In what area of your life are you okay with being just “average”?
And in what area of your life are you okay with even being BELOW average? And in what area of your life do you KNOW that you need to be above average in order to be able to sleep at night? This trio of questions is a guaranteed conversation starter with any group of friends. I know because I’ve tested this a few times now and I’ve watched some interesting things happen. You definitely will learn what skills and what relationships your friends prioritize in life (that’s number one and is interesting all on its own). But inevitably some people will pick something silly to be below average at (like juggling or ventriloquism or some other thing they don’t even really do). Someone will ask how to define the word “average.” Someone will probably ask if “average-ness” in this hypothetical situation is a matter of skill or of effort. The conversation really takes off! And it’s hard to say all the directions it could go. You ask it and let me know what happens! Continue reading In what area of your life are you okay with being just “average”?
Which of your friends has been in your life the longest and what initially did you bond over?
Ryan and Mike have been my best friends since 1st and 2nd grade respectively. Ryan and I clicked because on the 1st grade playground, I liked how he could kick a soccer ball really high into the air. Mike and I connected because in 2nd grade I was way jealous of the skinny crayola markers he owned (you know the fine-tipped ones with better colors like teal and gray that were way cooler than those clunky “normal” markers?) and so I made it my mission to sit next to him. Haha! Over 25 years later and these guys are still among my closest friends and brothers for life. Thanks to soccer ball hangtime and skinny crayola markers! It’s so stupid and random! And also somehow sacred because of that. Continue reading Which of your friends has been in your life the longest and what initially did you bond over?
What’s a tradition you’ve participated in without knowing its significance?
At a friend’s wedding earlier this year, I helped lift him (and the chair he was in) into the air as people danced and clapped. Jewish tradition, right? I bet you knew that. I did too. But why did we do that exactly? With the chair and all? I mean, what’s the significance? No idea. The same goes for the Oktoberfest beer I just drank. What is Oktoberfest about, again? Apparently it started as a public wedding celebration in 1810 for Kronprinz Ludwig and Princess Therese of Saxe-Hildburghausen. Huh. Thanks Wikipedia! But I’d be lying if I told you I knew that 2 minutes ago. What’s a tradition you’ve participated in without knowing the larger significance? (And when you come up with an answer to that, I challenge you to learn more about it! Come on! Do it for Princess Therese of Saxe-Hildburghausen!) Continue reading What’s a tradition you’ve participated in without knowing its significance?
If you had to convince twenty strangers to buy a service from you for $5 bucks, what would you sell?
So have you heard of the website Fiverr.com? It’s an entire online marketplace of people who will deliver digital work to you (according to your specifications) for five bucks. Want someone to write and perform a rap song about your cat? Want someone to prank call your friend in a Donald Trump voice? Need someone to translate your poem into Spanish? Or could your business use an updated logo? People will do all of that on Fiverr for, yup, five bucks. If YOU absolutely had to convince twenty strangers to buy a service from you for five bucks, what would you do? (I like this question for two main reasons: 1) It’s like a “What’s your hidden talent” question but more interesting because the talent has to be marketable, 2) I always love helping people create side hustles for themselves and this question is a first step to your side hustle idea! Everyone needs a side hustle!) Continue reading If you had to convince twenty strangers to buy a service from you for $5 bucks, what would you sell?
What is your favorite combination of season and place?
Growing up in Southern California, I’d never actually experienced very distinct seasons. But after living several years in North Carolina, it turns out that I love fall. All summer in NC, it feels like the sun is sitting down closer in the sky and steaming everything on the ground. This makes the cooler crisper temperatures of fall such a welcome change. And it makes my bike commute to work a real pleasure. Fall in North Carolina – that’s where it’s at. (But I’ll always love summer in Southern California, too. Oh and also, Christmas time in Manila with all my extended family. It’s hard to choose!) Continue reading What is your favorite combination of season and place?
What makes you feel like a kid again?
Sleeping bags. Every time. Especially if, instead of being zipped up, they’re unzipped and laid out flat. I remember napping on sleeping bags like this as a kid. I remember resting on sleeping bags like this whenever I was sick and staying home from school. My sister and I would also often play games with sleeping bags – we’d use sleeping bags as “safe” while playing tag or we’d use them as the roofs of forts. Also, we called them “seeping bags” a lot of the time so even saying that now makes me feel like I’m 7 years old again! What makes you feel like a kid again? Continue reading What makes you feel like a kid again?
Is there anything you can’t get through without crying?
I’m talking about a movie scene, a piece of music, a bit of writing, or even a piece of visual art that you can’t look at without crying. This question occurred to me because I came across a book called “Poems That Make Grown Men Cry.” It’s filled with the poetry that men from many different sectors of society (actors, scientists, politicians…) can’t read without tearing up. Folks like JJ Abrams, Daniel Radcliffe, and Salman Rushdie (along with dozens of others) all chose poems. Personally, I can’t point to a poem that brings me to tears. There’s only one thing that, without fail, I can’t get through. It’s Isaiah 58 in the Bible. I’d never read the entire Bible until I lived and worked in Haiti in 2007 and 2008 on the grounds of a pediatric mission hospital. It was the most intense part of my life to date. Isaiah 58 puts me viscerally back in Port au Prince with the extreme highs and lows of making new friends, burying old friends, sharing meals, watching kids succumb to malnutrition… I cannot put it all into words. I won’t try. Continue reading Is there anything you can’t get through without crying?
What upsets you when someone guesses it correctly about you?
I have a friend who gets irked if someone guesses correctly that she’s an only child. Is there anything like that for you? Are you miffed if someone is able to key in on something that you’ve not otherwise revealed? “Are you a crossfitter?” “Do you have, like, a tattoo on your foot somewhere?” “It seems like you’d be a vegetarian.” What’s most interesting for me about this question is a follow up question that’s more self-analysis than anything else: Why? Why does it irk you for someone to guess correctly? Continue reading What upsets you when someone guesses it correctly about you?
What piece of advice has most recently saved you a headache?
This isn’t quite the “What’s the best advice…” question. Instead, I’m interested in what advice has most RECENTLY spared you from a big headache. On a recent road trip, Emily told me “Don’t speed in Virginia because the troopers there are really strict.” We hadn’t been over the VA border for long (cruising 3 miles above the limit) when a cop car raced up behind us with his lights going and promptly pulled around to ticket the car in front of us that was going maybe 10 miles over the limit. Phew!! Without that advice, we would have been that ticketed car, for sure. What advice most recently helped you dodge a bullet? Continue reading What piece of advice has most recently saved you a headache?
If you could go back in time and observe any moment in your life as a fly on the wall, what would it be?
Okay everyone. I’m gonna tell you a very embarrassing story. So on the very first day of 1st Grade, I pooped my pants. This is how it happened: My mom is dropping off my older sister, Jamie, and me right in front of the main entrance to our elementary school. I’ve been acting all cool-guy all morning like 1st Grade is no big deal and I’m gonna handle it just fine – even better than Jamie who’s going into 2nd Grade and has more experience than me. I step out of the car and my mom says, “Have a great first day of school you guys! Love you!” I feel a nervous fart coming on and start letting it out. I swing the door shut and it thuds closed at exactly the moment that the nervous “fart” turns into nervous liquid poop and hits me right in the underwear. Pooped my pants. Not a lot. Not enough to immediately jump back in the car. But definitely enough to know that I need a game plan. I stand there, shocked, considering my options as my mom drives away forever. I turn back to Jamie and I’m so dang cool and ready to tackle 1st Grade that I don’t say anything. Just walk on to my classroom. I spend the first hour sitting with one foot under my butt trying desperately to seal in the smell. The girl next to me asks, “Do you smell poop?” and I say “No! But maybe you stepped in dog poop…” When we’re done with “rug time” and are moving to our desks, I ask to go to the bathroom where I wipe my butt and underwear and pray to God that I’m not found out. If I can JUST make it through this day without becoming the kid who pooped his pants on the first day of school, I’ll live. I contemplate throwing away my underwear but the trash can is just a tiny thing with no lid and filling it up with soiled fruit-of-the-looms seems like a great way to get caught brown-handed so I just decide to ride out my poopy underwear all day. Desk work is okay because there’s more space between us all but “rug time” is the freaking worst. During rug time I sit on one foot, then the other foot, then both feet. But I make it through the day! I make it! And when my mom brings me and Jamie back home that afternoon my first order of business is throwing my underwear away to destroy all the evidence.
That was a rough day for 6-year-old me. But now, if I could be a fly on the wall, I would LOVE to witness that moment in my life. It would be so damn hilarious to watch kid me deal with that pressure!! Plus I’d be a fly! So poop smell all day would be, like, a bonus! Continue reading If you could go back in time and observe any moment in your life as a fly on the wall, what would it be?
Who is the best speaker you’ve ever heard in person?
And what was so moving to you about that speaker? Was it the message? The delivery? The particular moment and its context? In an age of ubiquitous TED talks and would-be TED’s that are all just one internet search away from your hand-held consumption, what powerful words have you PHYSICALLY been witness to? It could be a sermon, a conference key-note, a commencement speech, a friend talking about what matters to her… As long as you were there. For me, I remember instantly some of the sermons that Fr. Rick Frechette (founder of NPH-Haiti, the org I volunteered with in ’07, ’08, and 2010) preached right after the devastating 2010 earthquake that hit Port au Prince. In the tiny chapel on the grounds of the pediatric hospital he built, Fr. Rick preached that faith is big. But it’s also small. It’s so small that it’s about just one single person. You. What you do matters. How you reach out matters. How you comfort. How you heal. How you speak to others and how you touch lives matters. It matters more than anything else. Hearing him say that to the Haitians, the foreigners, the doctors, nurses, volunteers, UN personnel, logistics people, and everyone else packed into that tiny stone chapel with the sun coming up over the ruins of Port-au-Prince all around us and the exhausting day ahead of us all… I’ve never heard such conviction. It’s unforgettable. Continue reading Who is the best speaker you’ve ever heard in person?
What shows up when I do?
This is a question to ask your friends and family. But instead of revealing something about them, the question is designed to teach you something about yourself. I came across this one when working with a life coach in late 2010. In the middle of our meeting, I had to call 5 people in my life right at that moment and ask them, “What shows up when I do? What qualities do I add to a room when I walk in?” Everyday life had never before (and hasn’t since) given me the opportunity to just point-blank ask that of friends and family. The calls lasted no more than 2 minutes each (and I said I’d call back soon for a real conversation) but the answers were intriguing and affirming and have truly stuck with me. When two of my best friends echoed, on separate calls, that I brought consistency of character into a room (meaning that the given crowd or environment didn’t change how I acted/spoke/joked), I took that to heart and doubled down on it. Ever since, I’ve tried very intentionally to bring that quality with me. Give this one a try! It’s a random question for sure… But you can say that you’re doing an internet experiment if that helps! I promise the answers are worth it. Continue reading What shows up when I do?
If you could guarantee that your kids (and someday their kids) would be exactly like you in one way, what trait of yours would you make sure to pass down?
And on the other hand, if you could guarantee that they would NOT be like you in one way, what trait of yours would you pick then? I’m at the age now that friends, peers, and work colleagues are starting to have kids all the dang time! Babies everywhere! That’s gotten me thinking more about how parenting happens and what new parents hope to share (and not share) with their children. This has been a really fascinating question to ask. Give it a try! Continue reading If you could guarantee that your kids (and someday their kids) would be exactly like you in one way, what trait of yours would you make sure to pass down?
If there were an anti-Instagram, what from the last week would appear on your profile?
Instagram is your life curated. And more often than not, people are curating in order to make their food look amazing, their days seem interesting, their lives appear coherent. Even the “fail” posts on social media are humble-brags (“6am workout this morning was a DISASTER!”) or they’re endearing failures (“Mom’s birthday cake turned into a hot mess #backupplan”). What happened in your life over the past seven days that didn’t make it onto social media? (Because you thought posting it would make people think something about you that you wouldn’t want them to think.) I didn’t watch any sunrises last week. And I didn’t hilariously #epicfail set my kitchen on fire while cooking either. I’ll tell ya this, though. I developed a mystery rash/grouping of bumps on both my forearms. I have no idea if it was from doing yard work or what. Just appeared. Kinda itchy. I hope it goes away soon on its own and doesn’t get grosser. I’m a little embarrassed about it. That’s it. Fire up that new app, Average-gram! Because, all sarcasm aside, I think it would be a lot healthier for all of us to know and see that life for everyone else also is messy and unremarkable and doesn’t make for a good picture or a fun story all the time. What would I see on your honestly behind-the-scenes social media platform of choice? Continue reading If there were an anti-Instagram, what from the last week would appear on your profile?