It actually takes a minute to rewire your brain and to remove the possibility of failure and the little voice that pipes in with all the criticisms about any idea you may have. But once you can imagine that success is imminent for any endeavor you choose, it’s kind of awesome to see what surfaces. Here’s a tip: Come up with a list of four things that you would do. Two of them have to be related to your everyday life and can only affect the people in your immediate circle. The other two can be anything at all and can have any size impact, global or local (or hyper local). Continue reading If it were 100% guaranteed that you would succeed, what would you do? →

And what about that person or his life makes you envious? This is a brilliant question because envy is a very strong emotion and therefore a very useful marker on the path towards self knowledge. Gretchen Rubin (blogger and author who studies happiness) points out that the things that make you jealous can tell you a lot about what you want most in life. (She’s not talking about envying someone’s new laptop or watch. She mentions reading the alumni notes in her college magazine and feeling sick with envy to learn about someone’s job in writing. This is how she learned she should move her life path away from law and towards writing.) So in your life, who is it? Whom do you envy? Think seriously about it and you’ll be rewarded with a serious data point about yourself. Continue reading Whom do you envy? →

The most productive people I know seem to get DOZENS of things done every day. Dozens. Like 50 or 60 things, I swear! But from hard won experience I know that when I start a day with an overflowing to-do list, it rarely ends well. Probably because when I look down at a list that big I just want to start crossing things off as soon as possible. What ends up happening is that I focus on the quickly accomplished (and often less consequential) items first. And second. And third and fourth and then the day is done. Yay! My desktop is SOOO organized! On the flipside, the days are always more manageable, more satisfying, and in the end more productive if I just write down the 3 MOST important things that should happen and knock them out. Start there. End there. Anything else is extra credit. Continue reading What are the 3 MOST important things that I should make happen today? →

Austin Kleon writes beautifully about how to live a creative life. Austin encourages creators to keep a daily log book or journal that answers this exact question. In his words:

“If you ask yourself ‘What’s the best thing that happened today?’ it actually forces a certain kind of cheerful retrospection that pulls up from the recent past things to write about that you wouldn’t otherwise think about. If you ask yourself, ‘What happened today?’ it’s very likely that you’re going to remember the worst thing because you’ve had to deal with it – you’ve had to rush somewhere or somebody said something mean to you – that’s what you’re going to remember. But if you ask what the best thing is, it’s going to be some particular slant of light, or some wonderful expression somebody had, or some particularly delicious salad.” Continue reading What’s the best thing that happened today? →

This is an important question. And an unusual one. I want to do it justice… So the thing about being human is that we make EVERYTHING mean something. Every event contributes to a story that we tell about ourselves and the world. Having trouble finding a job? Must mean all my skills are useless and outdated. Get invited to a new-ish friend’s wedding? Must mean I made a good impression at our last get-together. Stop reading a book half way through? Must mean I’m a quitter and always will be a quitter. We do this with everything. We can’t help it. It’s just human nature to make narratives. Sometimes the stories are more “true” and sometimes less. But that’s not the point. The point is that they’re A-L-L stories. Knowing this will help you understand why you want the things you want. Here’s an example from my life: I want to rebuild the back deck that is falling apart at the small house my wife and I just bought. If I learn how and can do it, it will mean that I’m man enough, that I’ll be able to take care of my family, that I’m well-rounded as a person. That’s the story I’ll tell myself about that outcome. Telling it will be as alluring as ever but I’ll at least know I made it all up. It’s all stories. And the real power lies in this: Change the story and you’ll change your life. It’s a constant challenge but whenever you are able, you might as well tell a story that’s compassionate with yourself and with the world.

Continue reading If I get exactly what I want (a certain outcome, object, or even person) what will I make that mean about myself? →

This is a 3-part test that you can use any time you’re debating whether you should bite your tongue or give someone a piece of your mind. Ask these three questions in this order. If what you’re about to say fails one of the tests, there’s no need even to continue on to the next part. A peaceful heart. A clear conscience. A predisposition to kindness. You get a lot from these 3 questions. Continue reading Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? →

Ads tell us the dumbest shit. “Buy this car with the heated seats and it will make you happy!” “If you’re uneasy, it might be because everyone you meet can tell that your clothes are from 6 months ago.” “Why be like yourself when you can try to be like the rich people on this reality show we invented?” Gaaah, I’m getting all nuts just writing about it now. The happiest people I know can answer with above average clarity this one question: “How do you know when it’s all enough?” Enough money. Enough stuff. Enough recognition. Answering this question for yourself is difficulty level 1000 because it involves values and priorities and our personality baggage. But it’s crucial that we try. Continue reading How will I know when it’s enough? →

The answer to this one changes for everybody. I’m definitely a creative night owl. I always catch a second wind around 10:30pm. My wife is most creatively energized in the morning. The actual hour doesn’t matter. What matters is that you know when you are most creative. This is fertile ground! Let your good ideas live and thrive here! Continue reading At what time of day am I MOST creative? What am I doing to capitalize on that time of day? →

This is sometimes called “Going to Zero” and it can be a powerful unsticking agent if you find yourself afraid to make a move. Ask this question and then paint an EXCEEDINGLY detailed picture of the “doomsday” scenario. “I try to start this business but I fail. I lose the money I’ve invested in it, my family mocks me, my kids have no college savings…” Write it all down. And then go back and ask yourself, really and truly if this happened, would I survive it? How would I recover? You’ll find that in most cases you are more resilient than you imagine. Spend an hour on this exercise and it can unleash the next year or more of productive, brave work. Continue reading What does the absolute worst case scenario look like? What does it look like EXACTLY? How would I recover? →

So much of the time, fear keeps us from doing what we really want to do or saying what we really want to say. But fear is most powerful only when it remains undefined. A vague feeling of fear feels massive and immobilizing. But if you pinpoint EXACTLY what you are actually afraid of, just that act alone will make most of the fear go away. But you have to get VERY specific about it. If you think about leaving your unsatisfying job and it fills you with anxiousness, that level of fear left unexamined could be insurmountable. But if you get ULTRA specific, you can start to dismantle it. “I’m afraid I’ll be even less happy in a new work situation. I’m afraid my father-in-law will think I’m directionless. I’m afraid I could make less money than I do now.” From this starting point, now you can manage. If I make a move and I’m less happy, I could probably get back to a job similar to the one I have now. Why do I even care so much about what my in-laws think? Can I have a conversation about this with my spouse? If I made less money, I could easily make up for it by just eating out less. Is my work happiness worth 2 less restaurant meals a week? Continue reading In this situation, what am I actually afraid of? →

This question is excellent if you have a big choice to make and you’re struggling with the pros and cons.  Take a minute to imagine in some detail how you’ll look at 80 years old.  Imagine where you’ll be living.  Imagine a chair that you’d be sitting in at that age.  And then imagine what 80-year-old you would think about the decision you’ve made on your issue.  Old you is wise.  Very wise.  Yoda level. Continue reading What would 80-year-old me think about this decision? →